Lilies

I killed the Easter lilies I was sent when she died
this time a sun spin ago
potted plants and frozen blooms
wilting wanting
like my first marriage
gone within a year
now the snow covers the smallest
slivers of green grass
frozen in time and possibility
we will not know any bloom
until the thaw

Easter pause
the silent Saturday of waiting
the crack open
bleeding beauty into broken earth
even squinting I cannot see
love in the loss of a savior
cannot read the palms
holes
and holy
do not think this mystery is one I would choose

I thought love was a horizon
but is it
the wagon worn wheel tracks
westward
piled rocks along
muddy trails of tears
memorial to the bodies
and lifetimes we buried
stomach sick
or pregnant pause